It is university application season, which means for grade 12s, it is time to start thinking about what school or city you’re going to spend your next four years in. If you’re a senior who hasn’t started applying or a grade 11 student wanting some tips and tricks for next year, keep on reading. Here are four incredibly helpful tips for university application season:

Make sure to start writing your written response two hours before the deadline. This will produce more adrenaline and stress, allowing you to create your best work. To maximize adrenaline productivity, be generous with how much time you give yourself. The closer you start to the deadline, the higher the quality will be. One hundred twenty minutes is a lot. If you’re feeling uninspired, try 47 minutes. DO NOT listen to anyone who preaches against using this method; they DO NOT want to see you succeed.

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You only apply to university once, so apply to as many as possible if you can. Acceptance is very uncertain; Harvard may not want you, but Yale might. Every school with an application is an acceptance bound to happen. Just like how 99 per cent of gamblers quit before they win, 99 per cent of post-secondary applicants stop applying before they get in. Don’t forget that since you only apply to undergrad once, money is not real. Spend OVER $1,000 on JUST applying; those fees are just numbers, they don't mean anything. Since it is your mother's money and not your own, go crazy with it. Apply to Harvard, NYU, maybe even Stanford, because who knows, Harvard's gender studies program might want you.

Instead of using AI, hire an Etsy witch to cast a crazy productivity or motivation spell on you. Etsy witches are 100 per cent reliable and will work every single time. The spell works just as well as manifestation, if not better. Manifestation is just affirming to yourself that “I WILL GET INTO UNIVERSITY,” without taking any actual action to achieve that. But when you hire an Etsy witch, your chances of getting into the post-secondary institution of your dreams are increased tenfold. Use the code UNI30 for 30 per cent off your first Etsy witch order when checking out a motivation spell. After you check out, you will be entered into a lottery for a $300,000 scholarship. Buy your spells today!

Let university applications consume you, and become the most insufferable person EVER. When you see your friends, only talk about which school you want to go to. And when acceptances start to roll out, do NOT forget to complain about not getting into the schools you've been rejected from. Everyone wants to hear about how you got rejected from York University, even though you committed to the University of Toronto. Post all the acceptances you’ve received on your Instagram story; EVERYONE cares that you got accepted into the University of Alberta. And be sure to wear your university merch every single day until graduation, as everyone must know where you are going.

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