SATIRE | Valid Vancouver Visits
Photo Credit: City of Vancouver
As summer creeps nearer, tourists flock to Vancouver, and especially with the upcoming FIFA World Cup, everyone will want to visit our city. But instead of taking your out-of-town visitor to English Bay or Queen Elizabeth Park, try these niche spots across Vancouver.
Breka Bakery & Café - W Hastings
A Breka stop is crucial for any Vancouver visitor. Breka has so much variety. From 16-inch apple strudels to protein shakes, Breka is able to satisfy any of your cafe needs without breka-ing the bank. Be sure to take your tourist to the West Hastings location — there's barely ever a line to order, and there’s always empty tables available. Their customer service is good, but there is this one worker, Gabriel, who is the GOAT of all Breka employees. The best thing on the Breka menu has got to be the iced matcha latte. The way they make the matcha brings out its flavour so well; it’s a must-try!
Slice of Life
Also known as vintage photobooth heaven, Slice of Life is a great place to take photos with your long-distance friend. They have little trinkets and many vintage items to browse, and a skeleton who is very friendly and LOVES hugs. Slice of Life has five photo booths, and at least two of them are vintage analog booths. Photographs are ways of preserving memories, and what better way to remember an amazing visit to Vancouver than with a photobooth strip? Besides photobooths and vintage items, Slice of Life also doubles as an art gallery and has many pinball machines worth checking out.
Earnest Ice Cream
Better than any other ice cream shop in Vancouver, Earnest Ice Cream is a crucial stop on any hot summer day. The flavours are always good, and samples are unlimited; one could just go to try the samples instead of actually buying a scoop for $7. An exchange student from Sweden once threw up near the Quebec St. location because she was extremely excited to try Cereal Milk. Make sure to wear a baseball cap when going. It will help you fit in, but you might be confused for a worker, so be careful.
Stanley Park Drive
What's a visit to Vancouver without a trip to Stanley Park? Many think Stanley Park is overrated and boring, but it is SO much more than boring, it's SUPER boring. Besides running or biking along the seawall, Stanley Park really has nothing to offer, except for the road that goes through it. Driving on Stanley Park Drive is bound to impress anyone that you are in a long-distance low-commitment situationship with, especially with all the trees lining the road and the chance of ending up in traffic on the way to North Vancouver. Just imagine blasting your favourite songs with the warm summer wind blowing.
Eric Hamber Secondary School
You’re probably at this location while reading this, so why not bring your visitor to the place you spend 30 hours every week? Notable sights worth visiting at Hamber include the Library Learning Commons and The Griffins’ Nest Office Hours in Mr. A. Wightman’s (Social Studies) classroom on the second floor. To ensure the maximum amount of entertainment during your visit, try to conduct your tour while Mr. J. Lauzon (Administration) is doing his rounds through the hallways.